I am writing this after watching ’13 Reasons Why’.
I heard about this Netflix show on Instagram and Twitter, I even have watched a conspiracy theory video before watching the show.
To briefly tell you information about the show without spoiling it, The show is about a girl in high school and her reasons why she decided to commit suicide and the people around her and their involvements in her decision.
At first, I wasn’t interested I this show, not only cause I didn’t have Netflix but I didn’t know what my reaction would be. I’m up for watching things like this but I’d rather not sit and bawl and possibly reminisce as when I do I always get a headache.
I watched 1.5 episodes whilst babysitting for my mum’s friend whilst they were at a quiz night at a pub. After I managed to get them to bed I used their Netflix. I didn’t really know what to watch and I didn’t want to suddenly bombard their Netflix with K-dramas. I decided to watch ’13 reasons why’ but I did hesitate on Twitter, I didn’t want to have a mental breakdown in someone else’s house. I only watched 1.5 (not even that to be honest) as they came back from the pub.
I watched this at first in the background whilst playing Minecraft (cause I’m mentally 9 not 19) but I was paying attention to it. I understood the storyline and most of the characters roles (not names though). With honesty, I was waiting to be triggered a couple of episodes but that didn’t happen. I then decided to sign up and get a Free month of Netflix.
This had many topics within this story, it was not all about suicide but about struggles with coming out, being raped, stalking, scrutinising and full on bullying.
I mainly focused on the storylines and not getting to know most of the characters names but the characters I paid the most attention to was Hannah and Clay (I ship it).
I won’t spoil it in case you are researching to watch it or not, however, I will talk about my overall comparability with this show.
What Character do I most resemble?
I think I resemble Clay the most. His character is shown as someone who regrets not being able to stop Hannah from committing suicide but him wishing he knew about what Hannah went through as he had a one-sided love crush on her and as he listens to the tapes he wants to not only understand but not allow Hannah to have this brand on her and cover up for either her mistakes and say things to people that she never had the courage to say. He wanted answers and he wanted someone to take responsibility for her death.
Why? You ask.
My best friend whilst in secondary school self-harmed and I knew this but didn’t know how to help her. People would say talk to teachers or her parents but I knew that the school’s pupil support would not help and would rather hinder from previous experiences of me going to them and being told ‘It’s not their problem’ which is completely shocking and also follows the school councillors role in the show and her parents from what I saw knew about this and I was the quiet girl who didn’t speak up. She would wear a bandage to school and people would talk about it. She showed me her cuts and her blades she would cut with, and spoke to about it but didn’t really give me an answer to why she was doing this. I offered her a shoulder to cry on, a friend if it gets hard for her and someone who will always listen. I do wish I did more to help her but I didn’t know what to do.
I feel guilty for also telling her about my suicidal thoughts as I knew she self-harmed (something I could never do) however I did feel like we bonded a bit more.
Why Suicidal thoughts? Personal Issues mainly. With the loss of my Nanna Heathorn, the aftermath of her death, home life with parents, being an only child, Bullying at school as well as School in general. It was all piling up inside of me and I struggled to manage them by myself as I didn’t want or need to discuss them with my parents (especially if some of it could have been about them).
I would wonder “what’s the point of being alive as I made people unhappy and no one liked me” and Think about hanging myself from the light in the living room and I did tell my auntie that I would kill myself and of course, she told mum and that caused a riot, which would make it worse.
You see with me, I couldn’t harm myself, it was in my head. How I managed to come around this would be to distract myself but what I recommend is to write PFD’s, Personal Feelings Diary entries about your day and situation. I would recommend seeking help but I was not severe enough to want it or really need it.
Most of this mainly ‘hormones’ that teengers go through, and I look back now wondering ‘why’ this was a big deal to me then.
Aftermath of my friend
My friend met someone and turned to weed and partying, I didn’t know what to do however It helped her. She found new friends and she also had a baby and although we have become distant (another blog conversation) I see her as an amazing mum, who does struggle but I hope she knows even though we don’t talk anymore, I am here for her and will always support her through being a mother and as a friend.
What I learned from this is to be aware of people and their feelings, a joke to you could be the worst thing said to them. If I see someone like my friend was, I want to be there for them. I will listen to you, I’ll try and help you but with honesty, I don’t know how to deal with the situation, at school they never taught us how to and only suggested Teachers, Parents and Pupil Support which never really helped.
I have read of the negativity of ’13 reasons why’ and I don’t know why. This basically highlights suicide stories and its there to make you aware. I don’t see how this is ‘glamorised’ or ‘will allow copycats’.
I admit it didn’t show ‘how to get support’ (did near credits) but It was realistic in the sense to me of
1. People having involvement in the suicide, people who lead Hannah to this.
2. Being the friend who doesn’t know how to support or what is really happening them and their regret
3. The failure in school systems to prevent this from happening, Hannah went for support and didn’t get what she needed and my school personally didn’t seem to care.
4. Covering topics like rape, sexuality etc. These are Important!
5. Allows you to be educated on suicide. This shows Hannahs emotions throughout.
6. Allows you to relate. Many have been/are like me and had/have suicidal thoughts but there may of/be worse scenarios of this.
7. Allowing people to see how suicide is like, shows have been restricted to not graphically show the suicide but in this show, we saw Hannah bleed to death by cutting herself and that’s needed as this what actually happens and it’s scary, we can’t sugar coat it and sprinkle it with fairy dust. This is a real example.
8.Allowing Parents and Schools to FINALLY have action towards suicide. I have read of students suffering from the loss of students who have committed suicide and are not getting help! It’s not even being mentioned in schools.
9. Inspiring people to help those around them who are self-harming.
10. Allows people to realise their words and make them more cautious
11. Allows people to see how they may be hurting someone else
12.Allows people to speak up and seek help
13. Full Awareness
To those parents who don’t like the idea their children watching this, I know I couldn’t imagine my cousins even watching this (nor will they read this blog until they are older) but watch it yourself and allow your child to watch it then talk about but only ask them if they understand this and how it affects them. With honesty, I would cringe and my parents asking this (especially once I upload this Blog) but I will explain that its educational and everything I used to feel I don’t feel no more.
Please if you self-harm or think about suicide please get help and only watch this if you can cope with the graphics of rape, sexual assault and suicide in this show. I’d recommend you do look up this show before watching. I am 19 and I understand the storylines within clearly.
If you want support I am here, however, please turn to help if you know you need it. I will leave Suicide Hotlines below;
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
From the NHS UK website;
- Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at firstname.lastname@example.org.
- Childline (0800 1111) runs a helpline for children and young people in the UK. Calls are free and the number won’t show up on your phone bill.
- PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation supporting teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.
- Depression Alliance is a charity for people with depression. It doesn’t have a helpline but offers a wide range of useful resources and links to other relevant information.
- Students Against Depression is a website for students who are depressed, have a low mood or are having suicidal thoughts.
- Bullying UK is a website for both children and adults affected by bullying.
- A support group called the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is an excellent resource for young men who are feeling unhappy. As well as their website, CALM also has a helpline (0800 58 58 58).
You can also research a number for your area, please get the support needed.
Thank you for reading!
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